How to Break the Negative Body Image Cycle and Reclaim Your Self-Worth
The Key Steps to Build a Healthier Relationship With Your Body
Growing up with two parents who had complicated relationships with their bodies, it’s no surprise that I would continue the negative body image cycle. From early mornings at the gym with my dad to conversations about weight with my mom, many of their beliefs about their bodies greatly impacted how I thought about my own body.
In truth, I didn’t realize this until I discovered that one thing equally impacted all of us beyond being relatives was our military experience.
Even if you haven’t served in the military, don’t tune me out because I promise this is still relevant for you too. While we all have been subjected to the body mass index (BMI) to measure our health status, research has shown that it’s not applicable beyond White European men - the population the data was taken from (Haynie et al., 2022). Unfortunately for my parents, myself, and other Black Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC) in the military, BMI has contributed to servicemembers engaging in disordered eating behaviors to maintain body composition standards.
However, we all know that disordering eating habits are relevant far beyond the military.
Even after my parent and I were honorably discharged, we still struggled with adherence to societal standards of thinness. Because thinness is often equated to health, there is often societal pressure for us to be thin no matter the costs (Teich, 2021). For those reasons, it can affect our body image and self-worth.
That’s why breaking the negative body image cycle requires letting go of the things that no longer serve us.
For many Black women, it means letting go of the belief that our size, weight, or shape defines our value in this world. It also means letting go of dieting and body shaming so we can live life on our terms. By doing so, you will be able to develop a healthier body image and reclaim your self-worth. I’m sharing three tips to help you build a healthier relationship with your body.
3 Tips to Build a Healthier Relationship with Your Body
Tip 1: Release the Fear of Aging and Gaining Weight
Building a better relationship with your body requires releasing the fear of aging and gaining weight. Whether we realize it or not, the pressure to be “forever young” and maintain “thin physiques” affects how we perceive our bodies. Therefore, it can make it increasingly difficult to trust ourselves around food or quit dieting because of the fear that if we stop doing what we’re doing, we won’t be able to control our weight.
While releasing that fear may feel difficult, it’s not impossible when you have the right tools. Here’s one practice that you can implement immediately:
Write down the things you constantly worry about and reflect on them. (i.e., I’m afraid of gaining weight.)
Write out what they mean to you, why they make you anxious or scared, and how they influence your decisions. (i.e., I’m afraid that if I gain all the weight I lost back, people will think I’m a failure.)
Once you do this work, create affirmations that reframe these thoughts positively so you can begin shifting your mindset towards one of trust in yourself. (i.e., I accept my body no matter the size.)
Although this process will take time, releasing fear daily will support you in seeing that the things that once scared us are something you no longer need to fear.
Tip 2: Reframe Your Perceptions About “Good” and “Bad” Habits
An essential piece of building a healthier relationship with your body is reframing how you think about your habits. The challenge with seeing habits as either “good” or “bad” is that you’re assigned a moral or ideological value. For instance, you might perceive yourself as good for strict adherence to a diet or bad for eating off plan. However, there is value in reframing the habits we’re engaging in as choices that serve a purpose for us at that moment.
Maybe you have an important interview in the morning and want to ensure that you’re consuming a nourishing meal that will help you wake up energized. Or, you might be at a county fair, and your niece wants to split a funnel cake with you. Those are moments when you get to decide your choices without seeing either decision as morally good or bad. Once you do, it will be easier to let go of the guilt associated with not choosing the “healthiest” habit.
Tip 3: Create Healthy Boundaries When It Comes to Your Body
For many adults, boundaries are one area we can improve upon when developing healthier relationships with our bodies. By this, I mean boundaries around the conversations that friends, family, and strangers have about our bodies. Whether speaking up when someone crosses a line or standing up against weight bias, creating healthy boundaries is essential.
Sometimes, creating a boundary with someone for the first time will be uncomfortable. Take the time to formulate and articulate your boundaries gently yet firmly. Consider what limits you want to set - like setting boundaries with family members or friends - and chat calmly with those involved about why each boundary is important to you. Being direct doesn’t have to mean taking an aggressive approach — having healthy boundaries puts everyone on the same page and sets expectations for healthy relationships.
Remember, the process will take practice and patience.
Building a healthier relationship with your body is an ongoing process that requires patience and practice. It will take practice for these habits you’re developing to stick and patience when you feel like you’re taking more steps back than forward. By releasing fear, reframing our perception, and creating healthy boundaries, we can begin (or continue) the journey towards accepting our body unconditionally—no matter what society says!
Reference
Haynie, Jeannette Gaudry, Joslyn Fleming, Alicia Revitsky Locker, and Alice Shih, Impacts of Marine Corps Body Composition and Military Appearance Program (BCMAP) Standards on Individual Outcomes and Talent Management, RAND Corporation, RR-A1189-1, 2022. As of January 11, 2023: https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_reports/RRA1189-1.html
Teich, J. (2021, January 29). The Unbearable Weight of Diet Culture. Good Housekeeping. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/diet-nutrition/a35036808/what-is-diet-culture/